Christmas of 1990, a big thing happened to me, changed my outlook on life, also changed my life!

The day I became a new mother; But the birth of the girl turned out to be the most serious form of bilateral cleft lip and palate. The crack extends from the nostril down to the top lip, the gums, the roof of the mouth and the bell, so that the mouth and nose are connected, and the missing lips on both sides of the mouth turn out to be very ugly!

It was like a bolt from the blue. It made me feel a mixture of grief, guilt, anxiety and self-abasement. All the time I hope it’s just a nightmare, I always wake up from it. But, I struggle to do the best, not wake up, even if they do not want to, also had to accept – this is the iron general fact! At that time, he seemed to have no soul of the body, a blank mind, people can not help themselves. During the day with tears, the night to hide in bed, accompanied by my son sobs. It was a long time!

‘give her up! The thought flashed through my mind, but left no trace. My relationship with my child, from the moment she was conceived in me, has increased exponentially from day to day. Although now she has become an independent individual, but I and her this feeling of kinship will always exist. In the face of this poor little life, she is afraid of less than, and will not abandon her.

After much deliberation, I resolutely gave up my own job, dismiss the domestic servant, I decided — I want to bring up the child with my own hands! I want to give her the most motherly love!

Looking forward to the autumn, the child finally received the first lip surgery. I didn’t take her to the hospital until the last minute. In the ward with the baby, I wouldn’t leave until the nurse rushed me. When he got home, he still couldn’t stop thinking about his daughter. Although dinner time had passed for a long time, he couldn’t eat anything. He called his mother and couldn’t even say a word. Why is the system of public hospitals so inhuman? Ask mothers who can’t spend all day with their sick children to worry!

At that time, the visiting time was only four hours (4pm to 8pm) every day. Fortunately, my daughter lived in a hospital bed close to the window, so I could still see her hidden in the elevator lobby. So every day, I would arrive one or two hours early to stand in the elevator lobby and look at my child through the window. However, it was not always necessary to stay like this for an hour or two, and on a few occasions I was lucky enough to slip into the ward half an hour early to see my child, on the pretext of assisting the nurse with the nursing.

On the day of the operation, I got up before dawn. After several sleepless nights, with my tired body, I stood by the door of the ward early in the morning, watching the nurse push the child to the operating room. After the child entered the operating room, I sat on the bench outside the door and waited. With that, I opened the newspaper bought in advance “to pass the hours”. What will the child look like after the operation? Does the child feel any pain? Will the wound bleed a lot? Will the operation go smoothly? Do doctors make mistakes? Will the child never come out? … At this I suddenly bounced up and began to walk up and down the eight squares in front of me, complaining why the hands were moving slower than ants!

More than four hours later, the child came out. Before the door of the operating room was opened, there came a burst of crying that seemed to be muffled in the throat. When the door was opened, I saw the child with tears streaming from his eyes and his mouth unable to open. I followed the nurse back to the room and put the child to bed. Seeing the child with tears of panic and pain, I wanted to stay one more time to calm the child down, but before visiting time, the unselfish nurse girl ordered him to leave, so I had to endure the pain and walk to the elevator lobby with the crying child. At that time, the warmest mother for me to send the hot tea and rice, and the husband and sister-in-law of the ardent care!

I didn’t know anything about the harelip repair, but when I saw the wound on my daughter’s upper lip, only the skin was sewn up and the muscles inside were parted, it was a good feeling. Because the child had a cleft lip and palate on both sides, the wound was very tight after the operation, and she cried a lot, and I was not allowed to comfort her beside the bed outside visiting hours, the wound began to explode by the needle on the third day after the operation. Looking at the child’s wound one by one of the needle burst open, my heart was like a burst of tearing, although worried to death, but also helpless, at that time of uncertainty and helplessness, really can not describe. Finally, before she could get out of the hospital, the wound on one side was completely torn. Take home, and another incomplete face!

More than a month later, the baby was scheduled for a second lip repair. Because of the children burst open wounds bear too big pulling force, and the doctor did not make some temporary remedy for her treatment, such as lip stick to reduce drag force), until the second operation, open the side of the nose has to pull the half a centimeter wide, namely said: no matter how the future operation, her nostrils not symmetrical!

After the operation, her wound was red, swollen and wet. After a week, the inflammation finally disappeared and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Looking left and right, the time came for the stitches to come out. Who knows after seeing the child’s appearance after the operation, I was full of expectation of the mood immediately turned into grief and disappointment, I held the child to dry the bottom of the ground to cry! The left side of her nose was half a centimeter higher than the right, the scar was fat and large, the muscles on both sides were uneven, and the shape of her lips was blurred, as if tied with a rope “reluctantly” like, very ugly!

That period of time, whenever I held the child in my arms, tears could not stop pouring down. I hate! I wish I could take the place of my daughter to bear the pain and the indelible imprint on her face!

Later, I referred her to a doctor, and things began to go well. My daughter received a jaw patch and a lip modification, which made her look a little better and gave her a good pronunciation. The first lip and jaw repair surgery is over, but there are dental implants, orthodontics, speech therapy and otolaryngological tests ahead. At the same time, her cleft jaw may lead to maxillofacial hypoplasia and mid-face depression, which may require maxillary correction and lip and nose repair surgery in the future. There is a long way to go, and we have only “walking”.

Through the pain, we have a great harvest – we know how to care for each other, love each other; We know how to cherish, appreciate and strive for the time we get together.

Recalling the bitter taste of the past few years, it is too numerous to write, slightly number one, two chat lyrical bosom. I wish the child all bad luck has passed, she can grow up healthily and happily!

In the Christmas of 1990, I made such a promise to my daughter in my heart: “my son, no matter how rough and difficult the road ahead is, I will accompany you until the end of my life!”

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